Alone and Lost With Battles

Words Written about June/July of 2009

context lost with frustration
my own head

untimely
frustrated
internally tortured
head fucked
inside out?
awake to a sleeping lie
hate this but love it

want her later but now my head battles
no escaping the folds of gray brain.

torn ripped folds of gray mind fucked

to battle fight alone with everyone on my side?

hating hate
i hate the heat, i hate the sounds
lived without admitting to myself
i want to compose and lose my track.
i want to create and am interrupted.
i want to live and freeze in place
watching time fly by
when can i step in?
watching the eyes of the world
what do they see?

i look inside, can u see inside
what’s really there?
love, hate, unknown, fear, spite asides
it’s all inside looking out
the world reflected
always out of time
alone and interrupted
complexity inner line
broken spirit laden
ruptured bloodied life

battle fades
frustration subsumes
sound clash – breaking my work – no schedule – demand pervades – others can’t see this – I alone fall into this – is there an answer?

i’m lost again with answers without a path
i’m fighting again with a clear path without answers
i’ve got a path with a broken road
i’ve trekked upon the road to lose the path

—————————————————————————

why does it make me mad?
why should i dislike it so?
mediocrity, simpleton, crude, perpetual – ? mediocrity?
where are my ideas
i’ve spillt the damn ideas across the floor
now i sound insane as i actually grow collected and corrected.